It's Been Ages

Wow, I haven't blogged in the longest time. I suppose it's because I haven't had the time, or perhaps I just haven't wanted to. Either way, I decided I would just write a little something for those of you that actually ask me to blog on a regular basis..

The most important thing in my life.. School. It's still ridiculously hectic. Now that we're approaching the last 2 weeks of school or so, I'm finding that this semester is definitely one of the most difficult semesters of my entire academic career. Anyway, I'm excited to complete these last few classes and get out of Glendale!

Other than school, I can genuinely say that I am exactly where I want to be in life. Friendships are growing stronger, family is doing well, and relationships are still non-existent, which is a great thing. I've wrote about this in the past, and I can't stress it enough that at my age, I seriously think all relationships are just a barrier. With that being said, I'm still the same asshole I've always been.. I get what I want from bitches, and that's as far as it goes. If you don't like it, don't get involved with me.

I really really hate how busy I've been as of late. Countless hours at work, tutoring students, full time classes, my time consuming job.. -_-. I just need a fucking break! Actually, as I'm typing, I have a call that I need to take at work. Fml.

Til' later.
-D

Death

My macroeconomics class is equivalent to death. I swear every part of me tells me to drop it, but I just can't. The idea of losing 3 units isn't worth dropping the class. Perhaps I should get a tutor? But where will I find such a dork who loves numbers, charts, and supply and demand?

You Are the Living Word

Bread of life
Sent down from glory
Many things you were on Earth
A holy king, a carpenter
You are the living word.

Bread of heaven,
Sent down from glory
Many things you were on Earth
A holy king, a carpenter
You are the living word

Awesome ruler, gentle redeemer
God with us
God with us, the living truth
& what a friend we have in you
You are the living word

Jesus, jesus
That's what we call you
Manger born, but on a tree
You died to save humanity
You are the living word

Ohh oh oooh
Oh oh oh oh oh
Ohhh oh oooh
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh ooooh oh
You are the living word

Mhm..

Bad things/situations are only temporary.

Long Time No Write..

Here we are again..

I've slacked on my blogging. It seems like every time I begin having too much fun, it's like I don't want to blog.. Or let me rephrase, I do want to, I just have to find the time to do so. I suppose I can give you all an update:

School is kicking my ass to the fullest. The two classes that are challenging me are Economics and History. Economics because it's just not interesting to me no matter who the fuck teaches it. & History, it is death. Who cares about world civilization? It's happened, now let it rot in the ground. Fuck.

So, in the midst of my busy week, or however long it's been since I've blogged, a lot of people have sent me request topics, whether it was via text, email, Facebook, or a verbal conversation, I remember all of them, or at least most.

To the person that asked me to blog about "guilt"- that's so broad. I could write pages and pages about guilt. Narrow down your request, and I'll do it happily.

To the chick that wanted me to blog about "why guys are in and out of her life so fast" - it's easy. Stop expecting them to be there for extended periods of time. Why do you set yourself up for failure? Nothing lasts forever. The sooner you realize that no guy at this time in your life will be here forever, then the sooner you will stop devoting your all into a relationship that is highly unlikely to be a success. Dudes at our age don't want to be tied down, stop trying to force them to be.

The other people had relatively the same question/concern as the one above, or ones that have already been mentioned in previous blogs. Read through them, and if your question or topic still was not touched on, then hit me up, and I'll try my best.

Enough of that.. Lol.

The reason people always see me as the person who doesn't give a fuck, and I have great advice is because I don't give a fuck. I take things for what they are and deal with them. If someone doesn't like you, who cares, it's one more person, of which you are always on their mind. If someone doesn't want to be with you, who cares, you can't force someone into a relationship that they don't want to be in. I generally don't find myself in these types of situations because I'm proactive for the most part. Not to say that they don't occur, because there are some situations, however, I deal with them and get the fuck over it . Stop being stuck on stupid. Lol. Remember the face value concept? It's time to put that form of thinking back into effect.

Now that I've written a 23 page blog...

Good night, an extremely long day awaits.

Oh, P.S. Things are going well for me right now. I like the way things are in all aspects, so hopefully they remain this way. When the end of this semester hits though, I'll be so fucking happy.

My First Day of Fall 2009!

Gesh, if today wasn't exhausting, I don't know what is. I got no fucking sleep last night. Although I planned to go to sleep early, I got tricked into taking a late night drive to buttfuck egypt, which turned out to be off the highly trafficked 101. Anyway, with my lack of sleep, I get to school in the morning just in time for my first class. Sociology with a teacher that wishes to talk way more than she should, and she has an accent... -_- . Then, English. This guy happens to be the head of the English department, so obviously he follows all guidelines, and goes strictly by the curriculum. Bye bye free pass, and hello to actually being challenged to maintain my nearly perfect GPA. Next, I see some people from the track team, and they convince me to go down to the field with them, and who do I see... my fucking coach that swears he will make me run there in the Spring semester. What doesn't he get about me not attending Glendale at all in the Spring? Lmao. I don't even want to begin to gripe about the long ass line at the bookstore. So, I'll skip onto history class. Wow, wow, fucking wow. This weirdo makes us play musical chairs and meet and greets and shit. I'm not there to make friends. Get on with the lecture, and let's get this show on the road. Last, but certainly not least, I have economics with another teacher that there seems to be this language barrier with. My gosh, why on earth do they continue to hire instructors that cannot clearly enunicate what it is that they want to say? On second thought, why the fuck would they even desire to teach a room full of people who look at them like they are foreigners?

& now... I just finished pages of homework. What ever happened to getting a break the first week of school? Eh, and I did my history homework for the next week, and my dumbass was wondering why it felt like I had so much to do. Ha. Oh well, at least I'm done with it, right?

I'm about to lay it out for the remainder of the night. No more school until Thursday, but work tomorrow. Bummer.

Good evening (:

A Simple Update

The first day of school for most:

I'm such a dork because I wish I was there. Lol. I'm excited to begin school tomorrow. The sooner I start, the sooner this semester is over. I'm anxious to compete for the highest GPA with my friends. This shall be interesting.

Damn, again I haven't blogged this entire weekend. It was quite eventful, even though I didn't do nearly as much as I wanted to, seeing that it was my last weekend before the start of the semester.

I will say though... "everything is not what it seems."

Angeles Crest Fire

This fuckass fire is killing me! It's literally 3-5 driving minutes from my job, and the smoke in the entire town is far too much to bare. Everyone in here is either coughing, their eyes are burning, or they are miserable in some other way because of the effect this wildfire is having.

When I find the person who is responsible for the fire at Angeles Crest, I will bitchslap them.

Last Night...Or This Morning

I woke up out of my sleep at 5am. I have no idea why. But I woke up in the most fucked up mood imaginable. Ready to turn it up lol. So, I get up, get on my knees, and pray. I get back in the bed, all the anger and hostility that suddenly came was gone, and I went back to sleep peacefully.

Good day -_-

Appreciative

I have no idea where it came from, or why it's here, but thank God (:

Covered

More than half of my tuition paid for next semester. Yesssss.

Feels Great Being An Only Child

Just dandy. I love the fact that even though I technically have a half brother, he doesn't exist, and he hasn't in my life for quite some time now. I'm way closer to most of my friends than I've ever been to the bastard, and it's shameful. Oh well, do away with him and my poor excuse for a father. A sperm donor is what he is. Fuck them both.

Good day (:

Once You Go Whore, You Never Go Back

Lmfao-

I've only quoted Lil' Wayne twice in my lifetime. This will be the third time.

Rule #1: Don't mess with nobody girl.
Rule#2: Nobody has a girl.

The Remainder or the Week

As I was laying in the bed trying to force myself to go to sleep, I just realized that I can't because I have so much on my mind. For starters, my boss will be out until the beginning of next week, so I have to cover her stuff and my own. I have 1 million things to do already. I also just learned that I have jury duty, whack. How the hell am I supposed to serve jury duty when I have school beginning next week, and I work full time? It's humanly impossible. I'll find a way though.

Can school hurry up and start so I can finish this semester and be done?

An Irreplaceable Weekend

I haven't blogged for the majority of the weekend. Damnit. It was right when I was getting into the habit of blogging everyday -_- . Anyway, I've had such an enthusiastic weekend. I won't sit here and boast about it detail by detail, but I had a lot of fun with grams lol. I guess it's never too late to begin a relationship with your grandmother. The old lady can actually stay up later than me to watch movies! I swear she doesn't sleep.

& on Saturday afternoon I totally landed an internship at a law office, after going shopping with my grandma and eating. I couldn't have asked for more.

Now tonight, home to finish helping my bro with this 10 page research paper. At least we did 5 pages yesterday. Blah. The things I do to help my friends.

Tis' all for now.

A Work In Progress

I'm astonished at the relationship my grandmother and I have grown into. For the duration of my life, we've obviously known each other existed, but for some reason never made the effort to get closer to one another. As we were talking the other day, I realized that it was the divorce. When my mom divorced my dad, I also got divorced from the rest of the family. This would explain why I don't know anyone from that side of the family. So when I go somewhere, all I hear is: "oh my, you've gotten so tall," or "look at the nice young man you've grown into," or "you're so cute, you look just like your dad." Um, pause. I look nothing like the failure.

Anyway, I'm writing because I'm grateful that I still have a grandmother to spend time with, and I'm happy that we're establishing a relationship, and getting involved with each others lives.

Good Things Don't Last Forever

Or maybe they do? I've always questioned everyone who ever made this statement. Because if good things truly don't last forever, when the said bad things happen, don't we replace them with good over and over to heal the bad? Since good is the opposite of bad, don't we seek it when we experience bad? Meaning that since bad is constantly being replaced, good does exist forever. Right?

Anyway, point is, sleep too long, and when you wake up, you will have missed your ride. & oversleeping seems way too common these days. -_-

"Inglorious Basterds"

Is the spelling of 'basterds' wrong in the title of this movie, or is it just me?

What a surprise. I didn't fall asleep throughout the entire movie, and I went at night! Lmao. I think every single movie I've seen after dark, I've fell asleep in. As much as I thought it would be stupid as fuck, it actually wasn't bad. A bit graphic, yes.

Today Was A Great Day

Why do I have no regrets about today at all? I let go of some pointless grudges with friends, I learned how much I really rely on my phone, and I realized the significance of the relationships I have with my true friends.

I wouldn't give today back for the world.

Reasoning Behind Actions

Today made me realize exactly why I am the way I am. I am rude as fuck for a reason to anyone, and I don't give two fucks about what you think about me being rude. I show no emotion to bitches, and I have no remorse for the things I say that make you cry. Idgaf about tears bitch, suck that shit up and keep it pushin'. Cry on your way home or something.

Oh, for the record- my bad if I led you on to think that a relationship would ever come from you and I. I don't do clingy bitches that blow up your phone and suddenly think they own your text messaging inbox. Wtf, I don't even know you!

Again, the reason I am an asshole from the beginning with every bitch, is so that they get the idea. Don't expect anything from me unless I tell you that I want more. It's never safe to assume babygirl.

Good night (:
Daren

Thank You

First and foremost, I have to say thanks to all the people that read my blog regularly. Even the mass amount of you that simply go directly to the website to read it, but don't follow. That's fine too. Followers mean nothing to me. If my writing attracts your attention, and you ask me to write more, it means that I've fulfilled my duties as a writer. I've entertained my reader. So, thanks to everyone who reads, and thanks to those that will read in the future. To have so many people that are interested, it pushes me to continue.

Even More Pleased

Still feeling like I made the perfect decision. I'm now more excited than ever for Spring 2010. Continue to give me the reassurance I need to make my partial decision a whole.

Pasadena people. Lol.

Thanks.

Excellent!

Ah, I got great news today. Accepted into another school!
Spring 2010.

Life Here Is Better Than It's Ever Been

I've been so busy lately that I can't even fulfill my promise to blog often. From establishing a well-needed relationship with my grandmother, working, deciding on a school, filling out paperwork, and everything else that falls in between, it's hard for me to find the time to even blog. & even through me being so busy that sometimes it feels like death, I'm still happy with where I'm at for the most part.

Monday Blues; Or Not

Hm, so today I gave my boss my proposal for the fall semester. It was unexpected though. I honestly was not planning on telling her until the day before school started that I would not be here for 2 full days out of the week. Lol. Anyway, things turned out better than I presumed they would. She actually took it well, and approved it with no problem.

In addition to that, the fact that ugly girls want me and can't have me makes me smile. Today, someone asked me "who I was signed with?" I looked puzzled and said, "excuse me?" She replies, "I wanted to know which modeling agency you were with." I still continued to play clueless, even though at this point I knew exactly what she was attempting to do. Lmao. If she happens to find my blog, thanks, sweetthing.

On top of THAT, my day at work is going by exceptionally fast. Although I'm extremely short staffed, I'm still not stressed. I do hope that the remainder of my day goes as well as the earlier half.

Beautiful Surprise

India Arie. Mm.

From My Perspective

So, someone asked me to create a blog abiding by the topic: How the view of things from a college athlete differentiate from that of a normal college student. (Assuming that I understood the request correctly).

My response to that...

I think that the view of things from a college athlete do, in fact differ from that of a traditional college student. It adds another hurdle-so to speak to overcome. In addition to taking full time classes, working for one of the top 50 travel companies in the U.S., balancing healthy friendships, and family relationships, and completing all given assignments while maintaining a nearly perfect GPA, we still put in those long hours as an athlete.

In order to be a successful athlete, it takes hours of practice. I'm sure everyone who reads my blog is familiar with the phrase practice makes perfect. While it may not make perfection, it definitely increases the performance. I can't tell you how many hours a week I prepare (during season, and off season) in order to assure I have what it takes to compete at the college level. Ranking 1st 2nd or 3rd in all my races, I can walk away confident knowing that I did what I had to do.

The fact that I can perform greatly while managing other tasks just shows that I have more strength, determination, and will to succeed. Making sure that I'm not better at my sports, than my studies or vis versa is difficult, so don't underestimate an athlete.

Which brings me to another point- What is with teachers saying "Athlete's think they are better than everyone else because they play a sport. They deserve no extra recognition." If that isn't the most foolish thing I've ever heard. How does that even make any sense? Throughout all the existing struggles of a college student, with the stress of a competitor added only makes us stronger students. It doesn't at all mean we are expecting a free ride in a classroom because we play a sport.

Hope I answered your question, or touched on your statement fucker.

Content.

As of now, I'm content.

I finally chose my classes, which was a huge hurdle for me, because I procrastinate literally everything. On the contrary, I need to go to the school to do some last minute paperwork before I am involuntarily dropped from all my registered classes.

I am content on many different levels, ranging from relationships (friends and otherwise), work, (for now), and home life.

I will not be stressed out about the things that are so minute in life, when they are only temporary. Friends? Huh? Can I get a definition? Another one lost, more insight gained. Again, as I mentioned in one of my previous blogs, this coincides with the advice my mother used to give me about finding out a persons true colors. Even still, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. (& I appreciate the help, but I just gotta know for myself)...A clip from a Drake song. Lol. Anyway, I'm content without the friends that don't deserve to be here.

Relationship-wise, I'm fine. I've never needed a girlfriend at any time, for any reason, and I won't start now. I'm too focused on my career to begin a relationship mid-way through what it takes to get there. I am content being single. I do what I want, with whomever I want, whenever I want to do it. Do I need a main, or a down ass bitch? No. I need nothing. In the past few months, I've met several candidates (for lack of a better word) that seem to be unqualified to even be considered for daily conversation with me, let alone anything else. I believe I've said or wrote this before, if you cannot match me on an intellectual level, then get. I won't find you attractive in any way, shape, or form, if you can't hold a conversation with me (aim or otherwise) without sounding like you were raised in the worst area of Los Angeles. Increase your intellect, or continue to not know me.

Work- Ah fuck. Everyone knows that I have a serious problem working far more than I should. This semester, I chose all classes that are only offered on Tuesdays and Thursdays, thus making it impossible for me to work 6 days a week, ranging from 50-60 hours. I have no choice but to cut down on the hours by nearly half, which I'm certain will result in focusing more on my studies.

Choosing a school- Fuck my life. I've never been more undecided on anything this much until now. I have not chose a school, I'm considering multiple, and I don't think I'm in a hurry to choose one. They all sound interesting in my opinion. Someone help?

This upcoming semester is about to kick my ass, I can feel it now. There are no more easy classes to crowd my schedule with. With that being said, away with the bullshit, and on with school! The less stress I have in my life, the better.

I am content.

Second Chance- Shinedown

Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Please don't cry one tear for me
I'm not afraid of what I have to say
This is my one and only voice
So listen close, it's only for today

What a fucking mental case.

First and foremost, I'd like to apologize to the fucks that read my blog frequently and that have been complaining to me that I suck at blogging as often as I promised too.

Anyway, I hate the situation I'm in as of now. The last two weeks have been the most fucked up 14 days I've ever encountered. I wish I can take them back. But if I take them back, the only good thing I've acquired from these torturous days will be nonexistent. I've found truth. I think that it has been more of a self realization, if anything at all. Kind of a what-the-fuck-are-you-doing type of deal.

Long story short, I've returned to normality. Ciao.

Lol.

Coincidental or intentional?

Funny either way.

Today!

So, as I was thinking my day sucked majorly, something great happened. Before, I was stressing over how my school schedule was going to correspond with my work schedule and vis versa. I got an offer to work for Citibank, and it turns out the person they are looking to hire will ideally work the same days that I am requesting!

God works in mysterious ways, and prayers always get answered.

Unaffected.

"It gets me how nothin' gets me, or gets to me."

Generally, Lil' Wayne's lyrics don't really strike me as interesting, however I find that these are different. It has so much truth, so much depth.

My interpretation is, nothing at all can affect me in a negative way. Why? Because I have that mindset.

That's all for now,
DA

Sus As Fuck.

Numbers were deleted today.

Take Everything for Face Value

The things that make your day...take them just for what they are. Nothing more, and nothing less. If it's a phone call that you've been waiting for all day, (which is thirst a.f btw), when it comes, keep in mind that to the person on the other side of the phone, it is just a phone call. Stop getting so happy over the smallest things, and you won't get hurt when they don't occur.

DA

Don't Initiate If You Can't Take it.

I totally forgot to touch on this the other day...

It amazes me how a group of foolish adolescents find it amusing to vandalize someones property and then get upset when bad things mysteriously start happening to them. Ha. I have no sympathy for immature children that seem to have no control over their actions.

With that being said, it's summer! Continue at your own risk, if you wish (;

Upcoming Change

Within the next few months my life with change drastically, and I've done nothing to prepare. Partially because I am comfortable where I am now, and I dislike the idea of starting new. I have to make a life-changing decision very soon, and I am procrastinating the fuck out of it.

On another note, I swear every time I blog about how great of a day I'm having someone fucks it up. So maybe if I talk about how fucking irritated I am and it is only 10:50am, then my day will magically improve? No strength to deal with anything, so I'm leaving it up to God.

That will do for now.

DA

What A Day

Today has been strangely positive. I woke up with the expectation of having a horrid, fucked up day, and to my surprise- so far, it has been amazing. Aside from being really busy at work, I feel like there was some sort of.. idkwhatthefucktocallit. Whatever it was, it's changed my mindset. Tis' all. -_-

Why Am I Still Awake?

So it's like 2am, and I cannot sleep. Just up thinking I guess.

This will be a bunch of randomness, but I'll just go on with it..

Today, my day sucked, until the latter half, when I got a call from the University of Hawaii! Although it wasn't even on my list of colleges I would like to attend, it is still nice to know that they are an option.

Now: I am sitting up on the couch watching Nick at Nite, and trying to force myself to sleep. Oh, Hector's punk ass is here and he sleeps like he has some disorder or something lmao.

The end.

Some days are better than others..

& so far, today is not one of the better ones.

Praying that it will get better though.

19 Going on 34

So many people have been telling me I overwork myself. Tis' true.

Idk how to stop though. I've been working my ass off since age 16. I work way too hard, but in a sense I feel like I'm preparing myself for life after college. I plan to make 6 figures within my first few years out of college, and nothing will get in the way of that.

Problem is...I'm working so hard, I'm not enjoying life as a college student. AH!

Take-home exams

Where the fuck were take-home exams when I took English 101? It pisses me that one of my friends takes English 101 at one of the ghettoest colleges known to man, and he gets to take home all of his exams, and they are easy. The test is full of multiple choice pronouns. It's even worse that when I took this class, I had to write 10 page papers, but because he is taking it at Compton, he gets to do pronouns and no essays? Fuck my life.

I'll be back after I do this easy ass take home test for this lame..lol

It's About That Time

Em, well the fall semester is approaching. With that being said, it means I have limited time to decide on a 4-year college and complete all my paperwork. I am transferring out of Glendale! I had fun there, had the best track season with the best teammates, met some stuck up bitches, and some cool ass dudes. I learned a lot. I've learned how to manage large amounts of work and troublesome tasks.

I have two problems, and hopefully the people that follow my blogs can assist me with finding a solution...

Currently- My grandfather ass works approximately 50..55 hours a week. I need to shave that down. My current employer is only open during normal business hours, so I'd either have to find a job that is open at night so that I can work a later shift, or just not work at all, which would be extremely unusual, and would cause me to rely on my family members, which I respectfully choose not to do.

As far as the college thing goes, I will not do school part time. If I am going to be committed to something, I will do it wholeheartedly and I will do it well. Dropping out of school is not an option for me. So, my point is, I need to somehow incorporate working, with attending school full time, comfortably. This semester is important, being that it is the last semester I plan to stay at Glendale. I am reliant on this semester to keep my cumulative GPA high.

Anyone have any advice? I'd like to hear it.

Also, just an FYI, I have not decided on a college yet, if any of you are wondering. There are several options, I just haven't employed any of them. Some out of state, and some in California. Cal State Fullerton, Cal State Northridge, University of California Irvine, University of Nevada, Clark Atlanta.

Feedback, please?

Every other day

Smh.

Tis' all.

These fuckass braces

So, most of you don't even know my braces exist because they are clear...unless of course you've heard me gripe about them. Now that I have told the people that matter that I am about to get them off, everyone wants me to keep them on. What the fuck? I've spent the last several months with these things on! I am in the last stage, with a few more weeks to go, and I have to wear these rubber bands in three different places in my mouth for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for 21 days. I feel like people are playing double dutch in my mouth with lastic jump ropes.

-_-

P.S. I have like 3 more weeks, because I haven't been wearing them. :(

Currently

Since I made the promise to blog daily, I'm going to say exactly what I feel, or think at the time that I decide to blog...

& currently:

I wish I could fly the fuck away and take a personal vacation!

The end.

It begins today

Today is the start of my promise to myself and slutgirl that I will try my best to blog at least once a day...about whatever crosses my mind.

So, stay tuned (:

Intermittent

defined as: stopping and starting at irregular intervals .

It's way too early

I wonder why I'm blogging at 8am. I already want this day to be over, and it hasn't even begun. If things keep going down the same road they are headed this far with this whack morning, I'd rather just isolate myself into a cave and sleep.

Oh...it's out the window .

Living a Lie

I was sleep, and I just had a weird thought that was so sharp it woke me up:

This applies to everyone and everything. Stop living a lie . Sometimes friends' advice means more to us than we think at the moment. I can't say how many times I've been told this...and the meaning of it lies right beneath the surface. Stop holding on to things thinking that they will change, or that you can adapt to them, because chances are, if you have to adapt, then there are just going to be several more changes to overcome down the road. Stop depending on a change that is not promised to you, in any given situation. Work, school, home-life, friendships, and intimate relationships.

Don't fool yourself.

D.A

Whoop, there it is .

In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing her
The only one who's ever known
Who I am
Who I'm not, who I wanna be
No way to know

How long she will be next to me

Forever is inexistant

Who the fuck came up with the word "infinity?" They need to be slapped, immediately.

Infinity does not exist in my world, and nothing lasts forever.

Golden Relationships

It took me 19 years to figure this out . . and I've been meaning to blog about this for the last week or so, and it just hit me when I was listening to this song .

There are so many people that call themselves my friends, best friends, sisters, bro's, etc. I've come to realize that most of these people aren't shit. It's really sucky, because nothing bad even happened for me to realize it. Out of all the hundreds of numbers in my phone, I can really only call a handful of people if I ever needed anything.

People right under my nose that only hit me up when they need something, when they want something, but never just to chill . .

OR

People that use me to get bitches. smh . Sad but true. Mar'tee who am I talking about? lol

Point of this blog really is just to tell you fucks that I cherrish the relationships I consider golden, because they are hard to find. Ceiren, Kyle, Eric, Jon, Dietrich, Justin P, Stevi, Elysse, Mar'tee, Samantha, Destinee, Gabi, Arielle, Kayla Bayla (even though we egged your moms car), Lauren, Karen F, Alexus, even though PDL be trippin.

P.S. Don't ask about the pic on the side lol . . I needed to add a pic alright. Back off .

I know I'm leaving some people out. . and I'm experiencing intense writer's block right now. To be continued. .

So realistic

I dare anyone to challenge me and tell me that these lyrics aren't the most accurate, realistic lyrics.

"Everybody's somebody's fool
The world is the biggest school
As you live, you learn though a torch will burn
Everybody's somebody's fool
You go through life making fools of others
Prentending you're giving them love
But remember sister or brother
You all have to answer to the one u above
It's beautiful to watch love begin
But oh so sad when it ends
As you got through life remember this rule
Everybody's somebody's fool"

Morgann is the lyrical queen who remembers any lyrics from ANY song. When I read these, I had to take them.

Everybody is somebody's fool- Ha.

-r.i.p M.J

Untitled.

People never realize when they are the problem. If the root of all unhappiness comes from one person, or thing, its quite evident that that particular person needs to be out of your life. With that being said, there's only one thing left to do...

..."every time I lose one, I bounce back with two"

This applies to no one or no relationship in particular. It's just a reflection a couple of different situations that have been occurring recently.

D.A

What a fucking bafoon

Today I encountered what I considered to be the most illiterate woman on the face of the planet. Not to sound at all full of myself, but my enhanced vocabulary and extensive level of education clearly differentiate me from your average 19 year old kid. Generally, I try not to let people know I am more intelligent than them, even if it is true. I find myself "dumbing down" when some people speak to me, because I don't want to make them feel inadequate.

As I walked into the probation office with a friend, I sat in a seat on the far side of the room. Since I had gotten nearly no sleep the past few nights, I laid my head down on the table and closed my eyes-in hopes of getting a quick nap while we were waiting for the paperwork to be processed. Ha, guess not. The door swings open and a woman with an extremely deep voice calls some parolees name and looks up and notices my briefs are showing. (only because I'm crouched over trying to get a fucking nap..meaning my shirt was lifting up). She yells in a loud monotone "young man you need to pull your pants up." So, I look up directly into her eyes and pretend she isn't standing there. She repeats herself, but this time even louder. I replied "uh, I'm not on probation, so why are you speaking to me as if I need something from you." The only reason I did pull my pants up is because my mother asked me to do it for her.

The point is- don't make the assumption that everyone who you encounter is the same type of person you are used to associating with. Don't speak to me as if I am your subordinate, because chances are, I can match you intellectually. Mind your fucking business, and I'll mind mine.

It sucks that people associate you with a certain group of people because of the way you look, dress, or even talk before they actually know you. I bet she did not guess I have a 4.0 huh? I love when people think so low of me because of the people I surround myself with, or the clothes I wear, or the things I say... the look on their face when I reveal my secondary personality is priceless.

My God Is An Awesome God

The power of the Lord is so divine. At times when it seems like there is no other solution, He pulls through. & when He does...He comes through stronger than ever, ready to protect his child. Today, God solved two problems in one day, both of them unexpectedly. Me and some friends were not talking over the most senseless misunderstanding.

Never underestimate the power of prayer.

When the attorney came to us and said that there was no other option, and the judge would not allow anything less, we all felt the hit.. It hit us hard. Minutes later after praying and crossing our fingers, we got the best news. God works in mysterious ways, and He comes through more than you know.

June 23, 2009

This date cannot come any faster.

It's crazy how we limit ourselves so often that we don't know what we are really capable of feeling, doing, etc. The very same things I vowed to myself to never do, I've found myself slowly letting go of those 'shortcomings' so to speak, and in my surprise, there are no disadvantages at all. I've forced myself to understand the few simple words I continue to reiterate- "you only get what you put into something." If that isn't the most simple and direct statement, I don't know what is. If everyone lived by this, the effort of anything would be 100%.

23JUN09 . Sooner than later .

Constant Insufficiency

It's never enough huh?

No matter what, you are just one of those people that are unsatisfiable in almost every aspect. Nothing is ever good enough, and it has definitely taken a toll. -A toll for the better that is.

& it go...

Was I blind to the truth
Just there to fill the space cause' now
You have no interest in anything
That I have to say
I've allowed you to make me feel
What kind of fool am I
You so easily
Set me aside

...To be continued.

Time to revert.

This will be short-

Just when you think that things are going perfectly
They never really are
If I was a bitch nigga you probably would've been hurtin' me
Too bad I keep my heart set afar

The end of happiness is almost inevitable. No one stays happy forever, in any given situation. This one is no different. Surely everyone knows this, I'm just restating that fact in my head, hoping it will somehow be deemed untrue by my mind. Maybe because if it's deemed untrue, I'll allow myself to get past the brick fucking wall that's blocking. That same brick wall that I thought changing my selfish, asshole, ignorant ways would be prevented by the said change. Guess not huh?

There is certainly more to the story than what meets the eye. Understandable, we've been dealt our cards, and we must play them the only way we know how. My situations, I deal with them...regardless of how hard they may be. But I don't let them surpass my life. Even if they are my life

Good day

I used to give a fuck, now I can give a fuck less

Old mindset, new timeframe.

This was me a couple of years ago. Straight ruthless, never gave a fuck about anything. Push me to the limit.

That's all.
Good fucking night.

When it rains, it pours.

To everyone who is questioning why I've been "mia" these last few days: If you don't already know, then chances are you and I aren't that close after all...so get.

On a lighter note- I haven't been in contact with everyone that I wanted to. I've been really busy, and not in a good way. Ever heard the statement "when it rains, it pours?" Yeah, well that's the story of my life right now. When things get ugly, they get 20 times worse before they actually get better. The worst week in a long time? I think so.

All my close friends- I appreciate the love and everyone who has been helping come up with what we need to come up with. To the others, fuck you and have a nice life.

Just know this: I have learned a lot about people and their personalities over the last few days. Some by the words they said, and some by the words that were unspoken.

I'm on the paper chase right now;

No love lost...now I just know you.

2008-2009 school year

Ah- The school year is almost at its end.

I feel so accomplished- like I've done excellent. I was really in for a rude awakening. I assumed that this would be much like home schooling; you just show up and pass. I tried that the first couple of weeks of the first semester and I fell flat on my face. My dumbass tried taking night classes, which I learned were a big no go. I tried taking 7am classes, which I learned were a big fuckthaaat. It really took me a while to take full control of myself and get to the point where I felt comfortable with school, like I used to be. Beginning track, I really thought I would have it easy at school. Pretty good on the track team should get you somewhere...right? Wrong. If anything, I was forced to work twice as hard. All my teachers disliked athletes because they felt we thought we were better than the rest of the schools population.

I've overcome procrastination. This was my main goal. It took me longer than I initially hoped for, but it happened. I think procrastination makes the difference in the quality of a students work. Don't wait until the last minute, and the work will be what it is supposed to be.

When I first started track- I sucked. I thought I was the shit, I never went to practice, and it took placing 4th of 8 in my very first race to make me realize I needed to step my game up. I'll never forget coming around that last 100 meters when my legs just died out of nowhere. How embarassing. If i didn't sprint the first 300 meters I probably would have placed last. Once I started listening to the coaches, I started placing higher and gained the reputation I wanted for myself.

I've learned that no one will do anything for you. Bribing your teachers with dates, sex, etc got me nowhere :( . I've written so many essays, done countless public speeches, projects, research papers, finals, exams, you name it. I complained for the majority of the semester. But, through all the complaining, and rigorous assignments, I finished, and I finished with a 4.0.

A friendly evaluation

I remember back in high school when my mother used to always tell me: "your friends are not your friends."

Where is the analysis in that statement? It is simple. The term friend is used far too freely. So allow me to elaborate on my interpretation of the word. I interpret friend as someone who is always there no matter what. Someone who is ready to stand by your side, even if you are wrong. Someone who is down for whatever. Someone who truly has your best interest at heart.

With that said ; I literally only trust a select few. Each of my friends hold an individual portion of my respect and my loyalty. A lot of you are probably wondering if you are one of them, or maybe not. I am going to get my 4-5 hours of sleep every night either way :)

The ones I consider my close friends- we've been through nearly everything. Near death experiences, (some of you, more than one), fights, bitches, hoes, tricks, you name it.

I will write this for the very last time- fake ass people (guys and girls) get written off. If you know me, then you know it is easy for me to ignore people without thinking about the shit twice. Call me the Grinch if you must. I will steal your Christmas muahah .

Just a little friendship evaluation to get you motherfuckers pondering.

God's Got It

I am a full time student
I am a dedicated athlete
I am a full time employee at a busy agency
I strive to maintain my 4.0
I give my best at everything I do

With all the things I do on a daily basis, times get hard. My days begin at 630am, and on average don't end until 8 or 9pm. I am tired. I am always tired.

A very wise friend told me once, "don't stress over the things you cannot control. Let go of the things out of your hands, God has got it."

And so I remember this quote. I take it with me everyday. Everywhere I go.

God take it. Take away all the stress, all the pain, and the hurt, all the tired, all the rage, all the fear; and make me whole.

R.I.P Patricia

Where can I start?

From my freshman year at JMHS to the end of my time there, I got to know an angel. Aside from everyone's perspectives of how life was meant to be, and what everyone thought was cool, and "in-style", you were not afraid to be yourself. I can't remember how many times you and Tyauna used to tell me "Daren, stop caring about what other people think" or "Are any of these girls paying your bills?" ...Man those were the days. All we had to worry about was going to class. That was when Mustangs on the Move and ASB was our lives. We used to hate going to those really long meetings day in and day out for our short stipend of $100.00 a month which we never seemed to get on time. Just think back; we were so young, and so mature. Role models for the entire school, and even students who didn't attend Muir we reached out to. How many times have I came to you and Desirae stressing over assignments that I needed to get done? You were too much like a big sister to me man. And I apologize for every time --everytime you ever needed me and I wasn't there. Everytime you called and I didn't answer. Everytime you just wanted to talk, but I was always too busy. Everytime I always complained about my problems, but never found the time to listen to yours. Everytime we made plans to hang out, but I was too lazy to get out the bed.

As I write this, my eyes are watering. I never got to say goodbye. I remember when you first got your new car..."Becky." We were so happy. Yes, we. Because when you got your car, it meant I never had to walk lol. And slowly but surely, as we finished our time at Muir and moved on with our lives. You, with your aspirations and dreams of getting into FIDM, and me with my hopes for law school. I remember you used to always try to sell me earrings and stuff to give to my mom for her birthday and Mother's day. She thought you were so funny and she loved you for the positive energy you always instilled upon everyone. Words can't express how many memories I have of the good times, but strangely enough, no bad times. Often, we find that with our friendships, no matter how much we love each other we always have some negative times, or times that we could have done things better. With you- I had none of those. You always kept it real, and told me the truth; no matter who was around, or whether or not I wanted to hear it. You stayed on my head about completing my assignments, and everyone elses too. And you were constantly rambling about how we have to prove society wrong because they expect us to fail. But now, I guarantee you P, I will NOT fail. Through the adversities and problems I am going to encounter in law school, I will remember you. I'll have this vision of you on the stage hugging me as I grab my diploma.

I love you Patricia. You're gone, but you will never be forgotten.

Signed,
"D-Baby"