Living a Lie

I was sleep, and I just had a weird thought that was so sharp it woke me up:

This applies to everyone and everything. Stop living a lie . Sometimes friends' advice means more to us than we think at the moment. I can't say how many times I've been told this...and the meaning of it lies right beneath the surface. Stop holding on to things thinking that they will change, or that you can adapt to them, because chances are, if you have to adapt, then there are just going to be several more changes to overcome down the road. Stop depending on a change that is not promised to you, in any given situation. Work, school, home-life, friendships, and intimate relationships.

Don't fool yourself.

D.A

Whoop, there it is .

In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing her
The only one who's ever known
Who I am
Who I'm not, who I wanna be
No way to know

How long she will be next to me

Forever is inexistant

Who the fuck came up with the word "infinity?" They need to be slapped, immediately.

Infinity does not exist in my world, and nothing lasts forever.

Golden Relationships

It took me 19 years to figure this out . . and I've been meaning to blog about this for the last week or so, and it just hit me when I was listening to this song .

There are so many people that call themselves my friends, best friends, sisters, bro's, etc. I've come to realize that most of these people aren't shit. It's really sucky, because nothing bad even happened for me to realize it. Out of all the hundreds of numbers in my phone, I can really only call a handful of people if I ever needed anything.

People right under my nose that only hit me up when they need something, when they want something, but never just to chill . .

OR

People that use me to get bitches. smh . Sad but true. Mar'tee who am I talking about? lol

Point of this blog really is just to tell you fucks that I cherrish the relationships I consider golden, because they are hard to find. Ceiren, Kyle, Eric, Jon, Dietrich, Justin P, Stevi, Elysse, Mar'tee, Samantha, Destinee, Gabi, Arielle, Kayla Bayla (even though we egged your moms car), Lauren, Karen F, Alexus, even though PDL be trippin.

P.S. Don't ask about the pic on the side lol . . I needed to add a pic alright. Back off .

I know I'm leaving some people out. . and I'm experiencing intense writer's block right now. To be continued. .

So realistic

I dare anyone to challenge me and tell me that these lyrics aren't the most accurate, realistic lyrics.

"Everybody's somebody's fool
The world is the biggest school
As you live, you learn though a torch will burn
Everybody's somebody's fool
You go through life making fools of others
Prentending you're giving them love
But remember sister or brother
You all have to answer to the one u above
It's beautiful to watch love begin
But oh so sad when it ends
As you got through life remember this rule
Everybody's somebody's fool"

Morgann is the lyrical queen who remembers any lyrics from ANY song. When I read these, I had to take them.

Everybody is somebody's fool- Ha.

-r.i.p M.J

Untitled.

People never realize when they are the problem. If the root of all unhappiness comes from one person, or thing, its quite evident that that particular person needs to be out of your life. With that being said, there's only one thing left to do...

..."every time I lose one, I bounce back with two"

This applies to no one or no relationship in particular. It's just a reflection a couple of different situations that have been occurring recently.

D.A

What a fucking bafoon

Today I encountered what I considered to be the most illiterate woman on the face of the planet. Not to sound at all full of myself, but my enhanced vocabulary and extensive level of education clearly differentiate me from your average 19 year old kid. Generally, I try not to let people know I am more intelligent than them, even if it is true. I find myself "dumbing down" when some people speak to me, because I don't want to make them feel inadequate.

As I walked into the probation office with a friend, I sat in a seat on the far side of the room. Since I had gotten nearly no sleep the past few nights, I laid my head down on the table and closed my eyes-in hopes of getting a quick nap while we were waiting for the paperwork to be processed. Ha, guess not. The door swings open and a woman with an extremely deep voice calls some parolees name and looks up and notices my briefs are showing. (only because I'm crouched over trying to get a fucking nap..meaning my shirt was lifting up). She yells in a loud monotone "young man you need to pull your pants up." So, I look up directly into her eyes and pretend she isn't standing there. She repeats herself, but this time even louder. I replied "uh, I'm not on probation, so why are you speaking to me as if I need something from you." The only reason I did pull my pants up is because my mother asked me to do it for her.

The point is- don't make the assumption that everyone who you encounter is the same type of person you are used to associating with. Don't speak to me as if I am your subordinate, because chances are, I can match you intellectually. Mind your fucking business, and I'll mind mine.

It sucks that people associate you with a certain group of people because of the way you look, dress, or even talk before they actually know you. I bet she did not guess I have a 4.0 huh? I love when people think so low of me because of the people I surround myself with, or the clothes I wear, or the things I say... the look on their face when I reveal my secondary personality is priceless.

My God Is An Awesome God

The power of the Lord is so divine. At times when it seems like there is no other solution, He pulls through. & when He does...He comes through stronger than ever, ready to protect his child. Today, God solved two problems in one day, both of them unexpectedly. Me and some friends were not talking over the most senseless misunderstanding.

Never underestimate the power of prayer.

When the attorney came to us and said that there was no other option, and the judge would not allow anything less, we all felt the hit.. It hit us hard. Minutes later after praying and crossing our fingers, we got the best news. God works in mysterious ways, and He comes through more than you know.

June 23, 2009

This date cannot come any faster.

It's crazy how we limit ourselves so often that we don't know what we are really capable of feeling, doing, etc. The very same things I vowed to myself to never do, I've found myself slowly letting go of those 'shortcomings' so to speak, and in my surprise, there are no disadvantages at all. I've forced myself to understand the few simple words I continue to reiterate- "you only get what you put into something." If that isn't the most simple and direct statement, I don't know what is. If everyone lived by this, the effort of anything would be 100%.

23JUN09 . Sooner than later .

Constant Insufficiency

It's never enough huh?

No matter what, you are just one of those people that are unsatisfiable in almost every aspect. Nothing is ever good enough, and it has definitely taken a toll. -A toll for the better that is.

& it go...

Was I blind to the truth
Just there to fill the space cause' now
You have no interest in anything
That I have to say
I've allowed you to make me feel
What kind of fool am I
You so easily
Set me aside

...To be continued.

Time to revert.

This will be short-

Just when you think that things are going perfectly
They never really are
If I was a bitch nigga you probably would've been hurtin' me
Too bad I keep my heart set afar

The end of happiness is almost inevitable. No one stays happy forever, in any given situation. This one is no different. Surely everyone knows this, I'm just restating that fact in my head, hoping it will somehow be deemed untrue by my mind. Maybe because if it's deemed untrue, I'll allow myself to get past the brick fucking wall that's blocking. That same brick wall that I thought changing my selfish, asshole, ignorant ways would be prevented by the said change. Guess not huh?

There is certainly more to the story than what meets the eye. Understandable, we've been dealt our cards, and we must play them the only way we know how. My situations, I deal with them...regardless of how hard they may be. But I don't let them surpass my life. Even if they are my life

Good day

I used to give a fuck, now I can give a fuck less

Old mindset, new timeframe.

This was me a couple of years ago. Straight ruthless, never gave a fuck about anything. Push me to the limit.

That's all.
Good fucking night.

When it rains, it pours.

To everyone who is questioning why I've been "mia" these last few days: If you don't already know, then chances are you and I aren't that close after all...so get.

On a lighter note- I haven't been in contact with everyone that I wanted to. I've been really busy, and not in a good way. Ever heard the statement "when it rains, it pours?" Yeah, well that's the story of my life right now. When things get ugly, they get 20 times worse before they actually get better. The worst week in a long time? I think so.

All my close friends- I appreciate the love and everyone who has been helping come up with what we need to come up with. To the others, fuck you and have a nice life.

Just know this: I have learned a lot about people and their personalities over the last few days. Some by the words they said, and some by the words that were unspoken.

I'm on the paper chase right now;

No love lost...now I just know you.